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Submitted on
January 2, 2011
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Sometimes when you're young.
Having moments of such happiness.
A place so magical, nothing wrong.
It must have been Atlantis.

Where two leave their hearts,
in a haven protected.
Hand in hand, returning homewards,
eyes with love reflected.

But she didn't trust,
her heart near his.
Being affraid, not of disgust,
but of losing this bliss.

His love never ending,
but she didn't show.
This wound isn't mending
and she just let go.

He lost his heart,
to this girl so special.
Ripping his soul apart.
Luckily it wasn't fatal.

Ending this poem,
with the worst part.
Seeing another victim.
Running with her heart.
mommy told me, running with scissors is dangerous.
Gonna remind my kids running with hearts can be fatal..



Does this poem read easily?

tell me what you would change about it!
ty

take care
Add a Comment:
 
:icon007balel:
007Balel Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2011  Student Writer
I love the imagery and this is a very beautiful poem
You speak of truth... running with hearts just leaves someone else without one...
Leaving them broken and lost....
Great job on this :)
Reply
:iconarcainwolf:
arcainwolf Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2011
thank you,
feels great when your work is loved by others :)
Reply
:icon007balel:
007Balel Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2011  Student Writer
I know what you mean.
This piece really deserved it.
Reply
:iconshesallfuckedup:
ShesAllFuckedUp Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
This is so beautiful and real it almost hurts a little bit to read it.
It reminds me a bit of my childhood, I can kinda relate to those feelings.

Well done, keep up the good work :)
Reply
:iconarcainwolf:
arcainwolf Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2011
thank you for your kind words :D
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2011   Writer
It reads very well. I like your imagery and the end shows maturity on the part of the speaker. Good job.
Reply
:iconarcainwolf:
arcainwolf Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2011
thank you :)
Reply
:iconbooky-trueidentities:
Booky-TrueIdentities Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
The last stanza doesn't flow very well i find but the rest is really good :)
Reply
:iconarcainwolf:
arcainwolf Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2011
the poem-victim thingy?
or what are you struggling with?
thanks for the comment!
Reply
:iconbooky-trueidentities:
Booky-TrueIdentities Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
i just don't find it flows well, it seems a bit forced.

most welcome :D i owe you for all the ones you gave me!
Reply
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