Humans love to see,
others in pain and hurt.
Taken by a killing spree,
kids crawling through the dirt.
People turning blind,
surrounded by darkness.
Scared and left behind,
running around so anxious.
The sound is gone,
checking each ear.
Keep yelling, until dawn,
but they will never hear.
A cold chill to the core.
Little kids suffocating.
Lack of oxygen or
is the water overtaking?
Lone souls in bane.
Pushed through hell.
Cutting another vein,
hurting friends as well
Just that click.
You lost control.
Destroyed, brick by brick.
Lost thoughts, dwelling soul.
Filled with anger
cause you're going numb.
Can't move a finger,
not even a thumb.
Declared as a sadist,
just a state of mind.
Not fit for a therapist.
A total loss of mankind.
After all, In the end,
all memories go away.
Remember me as a friend,
I don't want to fade astray.
2010, Benny Temmerman
It is like each stanza increases the intensity of the fear... leaving you breathless (in a good way )
Great job
this is like the most complicated comment ever to decode!
take care and a happy easter for you too!
you have one little error in this stanza:
"Lone souls in bane.
Pushed through hell.
Cutting another vein,
hurting friends aswell"
I would put a space in "aswell" so that it's "as" and "well".
Other than that, it's amazing! Great job!
Keep on writing, and Don't forget to be awesome!
EisaShultzie
and thanks for correcting!
i'll adjust it in a minute,
as i want to say sorry, english is not my main language
thanks again!
just trying my best, as english is not my main language